yellowstone

This is going to be an extension of both of my last two posts. First, more yellow 70s stuff, second, a continued rant that you may or may not want to read.

This is me last spring. I swear I look so different. The dress is a child's one from the 60s and it's really suffocating. 

I felt like walking wallpaper in 3 different yellow 70s prints on Sunday. This blurry disposable camera picture portrays a blurry version of that.

A real life moodboard of things I've bought recently and other things from my room. All the fake flowers are from the SA, so is the Peter, Mary and Paul vinyl. That was 20p. The fabric in the top right is a psychedelic dress from the 60s and the one on the left is another child's dress from the 60s. Realising right now I own too many yellow 60s dresses. The patch came in a lot I bought from Etsy.

A film picture I took in Iceland in March. The whole place looked supernatural. This particular place smelt of egg, really, really bad.

Ibe and I have done another care package swap. This is the second time and she always sends them in lovely decorated boxes (I apologise Ibe for the mediocrity of my boxes). 

 Picture from a car boot sale.

Picture from a car boot sale.

Unknown source, unknown source.

Some pages of my new journal.

Unknown source, unknown source.

Unknown source, unknown source.

Washington state feature, National Geographic, 1946.

ONWARDS WIZ ZE RANT:

I feel like I've been asking questions more than sort of, dispensing my own thoughts, so I'm going to try and be more sure of what I'm saying which might seem pretentious and contrived but it also might trick my own self into believing that I'm certain of my own beliefs.

After my last post, I received loads of tumblr messages and comments and a couple of emails and everything was really lovely and I thank all of you! It was all really positive and it's made me clearer of my own views. I've also read more stuff on the internet and I feel really good about it.

I think I've come to the conclusion that I should be doing things because I want to, and for myself. It's relatively easy for me to say this because from the age of 11 I've only really been surrounded by girls, because I go to an all girls school which has a very pushy attitude with grades so the concept that men are superior to us in the workplace etc, we were aware of, but didn't think much of, because of the 'U CAN DO ANYTHING' attitude they force into us, which also makes everyone feel like underachievers if they don't do too well so it's a double edged sword. It's only the internet that has opened me up to how sexist everything is, I can't believe I didn't notice some of it beforehand. But yeah, it's easy to say that I don't think I've ever dressed for boys/men. In a naive way, a while ago, I was shocked that it was a thing. So, the patriarchal belief that women only dress and alter their appearance for 'the male gaze' and to be objectified, just ugh. No.

In saying that I felt the requirement to be 'pretty', in my previous post, I was wondering if that made me a bad feminist for sort of wishing to adhere to conventional beauty standards, not unrealistic ones aka white girl on a magazine cover = only definition of beauty sort of thing, but just putting effort into how I look and liking how I look. I've come to also realise that feminism is about doing whatever the you want with your body. It's yours! But you shouldn't oppress others in doing what you want, too, obviously. It got me thinking about what 'ugly' means and whether 'ugly' as an insult exists. I saw this quote that I found interesting:

"there is nothing wrong with being “ugly”

it doesn’t mean anything other than not fitting a social conception of what beauty is: but yes, not all of us fall into that category

I think that is another word we have to stop running from like it is going to bite us if we associate with it, to some extent

I can be “ugly” and I can still be worthy of every respect.  I don’t need people to reassure me all the time that everyone is beautiful on the outside too- yes I know this, but yes, on some level I am a bit ugly and society is never going to change quick enough for this not to be a part of my identity and how I walk through the world.   But don’t try to use my insecurities to silence me.   Perhaps I am ugly.   Hideous.   Sure.   What can you say now?   Is that all you have?   Is that supposed to be enough to break me and kill my confidence?   Why" - feministdisney.tumblr.com

I think ugly is a word that needs to be reclaimed, again, not to be an insult. Does 'ugly' mean that you're just not being conformative to so called conventional beauty standards? This choice doesn't devalue you as a human being! Often, women are lumped into the pretty and the ugly by men and it bases worth entirely on appearance. There is beauty in personality, in creativity, in morals, in intelligence as well as appearance, and the idealistic view some men have of women is simply unrealistic, but it's the media that encourages this view (cough, photoshop, cough, girls aren't usually 3 stone heavy).

One of my favourite quotes is 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' - I think beauty is subjective. I also love the quote 'imperfection is underrated' - Helena Bonham Carter (if you are unaware of my obsession with this woman you've been living under a rock). I think crooked/stained/gappy teeth, wrinkles and frizzy hair (i could go on) - all perceived by mainstream media as things that need 'tackling' are beautiful. If women aren't allowed to age or feel like they have to slightly alter their natural state to be even considered 'presentable', something is wrong. It should be choice.

I've also come to see that having self doubt or insecurities is allowed. Everyone would be condemned if it weren't. It doesn't affect your views on equality and acceptance of every type of person, and the two aren't hypocritical of the other. Everyone has 'down days', right? The days where you feel lazy and unmotivated and you resemble a sloth (plz tell me it isn't just me). But you also have days where you feel confident and driven and motivated.

I wrote this because I think I left my last post without being sure of things, and I've been thinking and writing things down throughout the days that have passed which I've then read up on, I'm still thinking about stuff and shall continue to but this is where I'm at right now. Thank you for reading this feminist foetus' brain drovel.